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Paano ako nagbibigay-kaisahan sa watak-watak na karanasan na dinudulot ng aking buhay?

Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa batid kung paano ko bibigyang-kasagutan ang ganitong klase ng mga tanong nang umaayon din sa karampatang obhetibo-subhetibong tugon. Isa pang bagay, dahil sa pagsasagot ko sa katanungang ito ay hindi ko napipigilan ang sarili na lunurin muna sa mga sambitla ng musika. Hindi kaya’t ibig sabihin noon ay hanggang ngayon ay bumabatay pa rin ako sa kung paano ako ipaliliwanag ng bawa’t liriko na binabato ng mga paborito kong mga kanta, o kahit sa anong aspekto ng anumang bagay? Nguni’t kung wala ito, sinisisid ko ang mga metapora, ritmo at metro ng mga tula—parehong likha ng iba at sariling katha. Naalala ko pa noon kapag nagsisimula pa lamang akong humabi ng mga salita, bahagi yata talaga ang pagiging kuwela o malaro sa mga salita—sa pag-aakalang ito ang tunguhin ng isang akda, partikular ng tula. Ilang beses ding nakapagsayang ng mga papel, nakapagsunog—nang literal—ng mga larawan ng mga taong sinandalan at sa hulí hihigupin din ang pangkalahatang lakas mo para sa kanilang kapakanan. May mga oras na dumarating din sa pagkaubos sa pagkapuno—ito ang kabalintunaan madalas.

Sa tingin ko, ang bawa’t tao ay natural nang isang lipon ng mga sayá at pasakit—na ang ganitong mga sitwasyon ang nagsisilbing mapag-ugnay na sanga ng kani-kanilang buhay upang magkaroon pa ng makakapitan na may matibay na pundasyon na unti-unti nang naguguho nilang buhay. Sa ganitong mga sitwasyon, nahihirapan akong tuntunin kung saan ako nararapat kumíling—kung sa aking mga kapakinabangan o sa kanilang mga adhika. Ano’t ano pa man, kung paano ko hinahabi ang mga tula kong nasusulat kadalasan sa Ingles, hindi ako magdadalawang-isip na tangkilikin pa ang lente kong iintindi, hindi lamang pumapatungkol sa akin, kundi sa mga taong naniniwala sa akin.  

Gayundin, katulad ng nakatha kong mga tula, na dulot din ng aking mga karanasan, ito ang naratibo kong pagtugon kung paano nagbibigay-kaisahan sa pagkawatak-watak ng aking mga karanasan–na kahit hindi sigurado ang nag-aabang na kasiyahan o kasukdulan umaayon pa rin ako rito nang walang natitinag na paniniwala ng paghilom ng sariling mga sugat. Katulad nga ng tinuran ni Rogelio L. Ordonez sa kanyang tulang ‘Di na Ako Makahabi ng Tula’, “… muli kong sasamyuin mga pulang rosas sa ulilang hardin ng mga pangarap, muli kong idadampi ang palad sa nagnaknak na sugat ng mga dantaon…” Hindi ba’t ang pakikibaka ng buhay ay isa lamang pag-angat muli mula sa nangagsaling paniniwala upang pakurbahin na lamang ang mga labing nilaylay ng sarili, at maging ng lipunan? 

Ito ang aking tuntungan, ito ang aking tutuntungan.

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