By Your Definition

These are my shadows I regard;
I joined the game—unprepared.
I run.
I crawled.
I obeyed everything, your criteria.
And as soon as I got tired looking for my reward,
I panted. I sighed.
"I could not live by your desired utopia," my pleading.
You told me it would pass.
Tapped me on my shoulders while wearing my gray shirt,
You scolded me by my shade of choice
Humiliated—I still showed my garments:
They were nothing but dark,
As my every day,
As my every day.

Felt sorry for the trembles;
I knelt down and unhesitatingly apologized—still shaking.

"I had no control," I emphasized.
"You're bluffing," it echoed a hundred times;
Came down to me like raining knives, mercilessly.

Into this trench where both of my feet were tested;
I breathed in. I breathed out.
With glasses on, you asked me if I was okay.
I begged for mercy.
You held my hand, said it was okay.
You laughingly smiled afterwards;
Asked me to pray, instead.
I prayed, dear. I prayed.
I put my hands up while I was bleeding.
Streaming down my arms.

"Free me,
Free me,"
Those were tears;
But then again, you asked me to pray.

Amen, I shall not say.
Your positivity was tormenting.
Affliction, t'is a temporary death.

Always, I will owe you my elaboration,
and I shall live by your definition.